Jaclyn Elizabeth

Sun, 19 Nov 2006 06:30:24 GMT

even the most predictable people have proven unpredictable right now. i have no idea whats happening next in my life and im hating it. i feel stupid and like im going nowhere in life because im awfully airheaded. too many people are only concerned with themselves. too many people cant make up their mind. i dont know what anyone wants from me, but i wish love was one of the answers. and its not.

who are you? i thought i knew.

what are we? not together and im ashamed that i ever thought we would be. i thought something special was happening but you see ive heard this story all before and i know how it ends. and youre not with me and the worst part of it all is that you wont care. ill just be alone like before and just make the same mistake of falling in love again. and again... and again.

"I bet you love this, don't you? I bet you love this."

♥

Tue, 07 Nov 2006 05:36:58 GMT

for you, i fell so hard
into the safety of your strong arms

Tue, 24 Oct 2006 20:54:43 GMT

sigh, it is sad i have no commitment to livejournal. seems like i dont really have much commitment to anything at the moment, which makes me happy. ive been single for awhile and not really searching for another boyfriend. but ofcourse searching for new boys;). im doing okay in school and im not worrying about any friend problems atm.

definitely been very good since me and mike broke up. not that i didnt like him, but i guess im happier without him.

apparently, my size 7 jeans are getting a little big on me. and my size medium sweatpants too. lost another 3 pounds over the weekend. its pretty nice :) just i need to go shopping again lol. especially for a new hoodie. and maybe a new purse but i can wait on that just a little bit.

senior pictures tomorrow, i guess our word is STINGRAY?. sounds like fun lol.

Love, Jackie

ps. id also like to update that i am currently in evo's guild, dark council. on the first run, i won 2 blues amd an epic item. couldnt really ask for a better guild:). but i think i may be quitting wow very soon anyway. might as well get some nice gear before i sell the account.

Thu, 12 Oct 2006 18:19:18 GMT

i missed a lot of days. maybe i can fill things in, i guess.

since the first day of school, i have continued my car search, applied to ramapo and had friend issues. friend issues, whats new.

at some point a few weeks ago i made the most terrible mistake of breaking up with mike. i suppose thats what my indecisive feeling was all about but idk what my problem was. after 2 days i was heartbroken and missing him to death and he forgave me for everything♥. ive never met a boy who was so forgiving and so not jealous at all. mike is amazing<3

and so basically i think i applied to ramapo just on monday. this sunday im checking out the campus and then nov.6 i go for immediate decision. pretty sweet, i dont have to deal with any stress over college for the rest of the year now.

im looking for older cars so i can save about $1000 and put that toward something else. since most old cars are ugly, ive been looking at volkswagens and realized theyve basically always looked amazing. i really want a vw passat. if not, it looks like ill probably be getting a jetta because there are so many of them out there to buy.

lastly, more friend issues just yesterday. and forget what happened with max, thats NOTHING compared the the bs i went through after that. basically im never talking to mike bacchioni again because yesterday i talked to him about why he changed from being really super nice to me to this huge fucking asshole and he ends up fighting with me. so like basically he claims him and everyone hes friends with basically dont like me because i mooch rides home from them a lot and because i hang out with them at lunch too much. the funny thing is i stopped talking to him for awhile now and obviously i havent asked him for a ride for a really long time. basically he was whining about his friends problems, because i havent even done anything to him recently. anyway, even if any of this crap is true, its bullshit that no one has even said a word to me about it and would rather just whine to each other about it and not do anything about it. and even worse, be really nice to my face all the time too.

i stayed home from school today because my head and my stomach hurt a lot from being upset yesterday. plus i needed to sleep in a little i guess. i was able to sleep it off.

now even more shit to think about, i kinda want to leave praetorium and join evo's guild because theyre doing a lot better than we are and everyone gets a whole lot more loot than we do in prae and there are better rules for getting loot. also sounds like a lot less drama. and ofcrouse, no mike bacchioni which would make my life 50% better.
so im really kinda looking forward to doing that. evo said culhane and powell and a bunch of others wanna switch too. if i get enough people to go with, im leaving the guild.

i wish everyone was honest, forgiving, and way more laid-back.
i think not just me, but a lot of people would be so much happier that way.

love, Jackie

Thu, 07 Sep 2006 18:38:24 GMT

yesterday was the first day of school and today, obviously the second.

im having a really great school year so far. even though i have a few classes without close friends in them ive already made steps to making new ones and ive been completely outgoing so far. its really great because this is the first year ive been so outgoing.

its like i can tell that i like myself again because im able to show everyone else why they should like me, and right now everyone does=). im really happy about the way ive improved so much over the summer.

so far all my teachers definitely like me and right now i definitely dont hate any of them.

umm! i dont know what else to say but i cant end my entry with that sentence lol. oh yeah im totally excited about lunch because we have all awesome people and we all go out to lunch together and yesterday we went to wendys and i wasnt that hungry so i got a small chicken nuggets thing and i asked people if i looked anorexic and someone told me yes haha.

and today we went to blimpie and we waited so long on line that we felt like we had to rush, even though i didnt. and we actually got back to school on time, unlike yesterday i came in like a minute after the bell.

i feel weird and indecisive today and im not really sure what to do. i felt this a little yesterday but i felt more sad yesterday even though im totally happy about school. now i just feel like i dont know what i want and like, im not even sure. its just such a weird feeling and reh i hope it solves itself or something.

anyway i love everyone and everything.

love, Jackie

Wed, 06 Sep 2006 02:12:23 GMT

today was last day of summer.

i woke up early and mikey came over from 1:00 to 8:30. it was nice cause we played smash and even ate like a separate dinner from my family lol. idk it was fun and we were pretty evenly matched at smash. i think i got a whole lot better though :D.
the only thing that was gay was it was raining outside so there was totally nothing to do other than play video games. but again we straightened each other's hair haha.

i really actually cant wait for school tomorrow. even though i didnt buy that much new stuff, my new sneakers arrived early :D and i have new jeans and stuff. also i think like, everything will be so much better than last year because im a happier, friendlier person than i used to be. i really cant wait to make new friends, because i really think i will this year. pretty exciting! :D

i love mike, and i love my life^_________^

LOVE JACKIE!

Sat, 02 Sep 2006 03:21:00 GMT

yesterday i went shopping with my mom and little sister at the willowbrook mall. i went looking for shoes and after finding the perfect pair-that didnt fit-i found another pair in steve madden and im ordering them because they still didnt have my size, lol. so they should come wednesday or thursday, and school will already have started =(. oh well though, theyre still new.

and so then around 4 or something mike♥, max and alexis came to the mall and i hung with them there until 6. mike bought new pants from american eagle and i made sure i tried on the same pants as him except in my size lol it was cute. except i decided to try the smaller size to see if they fit and they did :D:D but they were super tight. but it was so fun trying to move in them.

and then! my dad picked us all up and dropped max and alexis off at ccx and me and mike came back to my house and we hung out and i beat the shit out of mike in smash rofl. and then we hung out some more and went to ursula's house at 8 because it was her birthday=). and i thought it was lots of fun and everyone was there and we watched the shoes video. and then we left at like 10:15 because mike needed to be picked up at 10:30 at my house.

2 days ago, my wow acct time expired. ive been playing mike's acct since hes on vacation and its sad because i missed zg tonight. but its ok im trying really hard to make some money and my parents think i should look for a new job because learning express is pissing me off. i have work 3-9 tomorrow though. i guess ill hang at ccx afterwards since its a saturday night.

so yeah, things have been cool. oo i talked to jason on the phone tonight! i like really was afraid to actually call and talk cause i didnt think it was a good idea since the way we last talked but i finally just like called him and it was cool. and hes not sad about me anymore, and thats what was most relaxing. anyway, end of entry because i think i will play my new balance druid on mike's acct.

♥Jackie

Mon, 28 Aug 2006 07:06:03 GMT

today i woke up around 1:30 lol. my grandparents came over for an italian sunday dinner for my sister's birthday. she turned 10 yesterday aw. and i ate dinner with them and hung out around the house and played smash with her so she could learn it and beat everyone's asses later.

so then mike told me he was going to loews with his friends and i quickly changed my clothes and had my sister drive me there. we saw.. what was it called? tallendega nights or something. that stupid racecar movie with will ferrell. it was kinda funny but definitely gay. and then mikey♥'s mom gave me a ride home.

when i got home i did some homework and then helped mike with a few winterspring quests.

i definitely love that boy, he changed my life so much. i feel like i know myself more than i ever have because ive been able to be myself that much around him. and i already feel like its been 2 months, its amazing. imagine what 2 months will feel like then.. sigh =) mikey mikey.

love, Jackie

Sun, 27 Aug 2006 03:18:26 GMT

today i hung out with mike. because of him my life will never be the same, i can't believe how amazing today was. we had so much fun and like ive never felt so close to anyone so fast ever. everything we do is just so relzxed and just i dont know. i just love every minute i spend with him he makes me feel more and more like myself. and he makes me like myself more than i ever have. and he's so cute and i dont know its just amazing i cant even describe any of it because its just so amazing.

today i told mike i loved him. also we played smash and listened to music in his room and i straightened his hair when it got messy and i tried on his jeans lol. and i ate dinner at his house and his parents are nice and i get along really really well with his family and his kitty is adorable. and i watched him spill his soda al over the kitchen floor and i kinda helped him clean it up and he had to wash his feet lol.

nothing im saying has any continuity, everything is just a jumble of amazingness. oh yeah and we took pictures together with his super mini camera its so baby.

and cecile came home tonight and im excited, im going to have another party before school starts so she can be at it. but for now i think her me and mike will be doing brd, and maybe her mike too. idk but i must be off!

SO HAPPY TODAY, I LOVE YOU MIKE.♥

missed a few days..

Sun, 20 Aug 2006 17:13:17 GMT

thursday i came out of work around 2:00 and hung out in ccx for like a half hour. then my mom picked me up and i waited until like 4:30 for mike♥ and max to come over so we could go to willowbrook. they were supposed to be here at 3:30 but idk what happened lol. willowbrook was pretty fun and i bought a new shirt from delias. later, we dropped max off at ccx and me and mike hung out at my house until he got picked up.

friday i thought i would get to sleep in but it turns out my sister wanted to go shopping for my other sister's birthday, so i had to go with her so we could use my employee discount. also, i needed to pick up my paycheck. anyway so we bought my sister the cutest uglydoll ever and a groovy girl doll. later at like 9:30, i went to outback with my friends from work. we stayed there pretty late and then we all came to take javon home which was definitely eventful because we were driving to paterson. when i came home, i called mike and we talked on the phone until 5am.

saturday i thought i would be able to sleep in again.. but then i remembered i had to go to a family picnic and we ended up leaving around 1:00. the picnic was not terrible because me my sister and my cousin took like a million pictures with my camera and we were hanging out together in our boredom so it wasnt like we were alone while being bored at least lol. it took so long to finally leave, but finally the rain convinced my dad that we should just go, which was around 6:30 i think. then at around 8:00 i went to ccx to meet mike♥ there and i was really excited to see him because i missed him already. we both got picked up at like 11:00 and then when we got home we were up talking until probably 2:30.

today im supposed to go to mikey♥ house. i really hope i can go because my mom like really doesnt want to start taking me there a lot but i really want to see his house and stuff. anyway hes done so much for me already just to see me, i should be able to try for him too. so i really hope this works because i told my mom he really puts in a lot of effort to see me, and i think that swayed her. and i told her she can get sam to pick me up. i wish i just had my car again, then i would do it without my mom being able to do anything about it.

ps. anthony went onto my wow account and changed my password and sent mail to my bf in the game saying "fuck u nigger" and now i have to call blizzard on monday to get my password back and fix everything. hes a fucking idiot too, he really tried to convince me it wasnt him but hes the only person with the motive and hes the only idiot who would send mail to my bf saying "fuck u nigger." what a smart kid lol.

PS

Wed, 16 Aug 2006 07:07:31 GMT

i totally want these shoes: cuteee

jackie's birthday party part II?

Wed, 16 Aug 2006 06:42:07 GMT

today i threw a really awesome party at my house! as usual my parents were home, but that never makes it any less of a party. like everyone came, and i was really excited about that. i hooked up 2 tv's so we could have smash for 64 and smash for gamecube going at the same time but that never happened lol. anyway, so like it was amazing and there was a big mess afterwards that i totally cleaned =)

before the party happened, mike came over and we took a walk at preakness and we listened to my ipod a little and we were cute. im also like amazingly happy today because me and mike are going out now<33 and i really like him. im always happy around him and idk hes just so much fun. my life is going amazingly at the moment =)

recently ive been listening to my old music again, like the bands i liked 2 years ago when i was a silly scene girl lol. it sounds really funny and stuff but like i realized i really missed that music a lot and now im reexploring it. that and i adore the all american rejects, who i never really liked but now i think theyre amazing and all of their songs make me smile, especially when i hear them on my ipod.

and i want to end my entry with this really really cute quote from a hellogoodbye song because it reminds me of my mikey♥:

"we can take long walks through central park and hold each other's hands to fight the dark."

today was sunday, haven't you heard?

Mon, 14 Aug 2006 03:24:00 GMT

and yeah, my day was definitely amazing today.

forget the little family picnic today, it wasnt all so bad. but after it, my cousin dropped me off at preakness and some like little kid kicked my ass in smash. lol it sucked. but just as that happened my mikey♥ came in to ccx! and we took lots of walks and even went over by the wayne hills mall.

then marc and joe and rand and rob came and we hung out with them and ended up ordering from outback but i wasnt hungry. and we hung out there and i think marc is a crazy driver and then we went back to ccx to find this swarm of crazy smash playing weirdos playing there. and there were so many people i felt really sick and we needed to stay outside.

so we walked around preakness for a little longer and then my mikey♥ had to go home. so i hung out in ccx for a little longer waiting for my mom to come. i actually got to stand on chris's back because his back hurt rofl. and it was actually really fun. and then i went homeee.

i wish i could go to the #12 show tomorrow, its going to be awesome because fbtmof is playing tooooo. theyre sooo good. if only.. i could find a way to go. but its in the knitting factory in NY. but i would totally go with mike max and jesse. theyre so much fun.

anyway, another happy day for jackie. and not expecting any different for a really, really... really long time.

sunday to hold hands

Sun, 13 Aug 2006 02:43:16 GMT

yesterday, i was lazy all day and then after i took a shower i decided to straighten my hair. ive been obsessed with it ever since because it came out so amazingly soft lol.

i went to ccx afterwards and ended up not spending a single cent there. first i played on cecile's character on wow and kinda learned how to play a hunter. then i played this other kid's hunter and i made a bunch of other people in the game hate him rofl. and after that he let me use his account to play on my character. amazing it was :D and then i played smash with kirzog and shregan and steve. also forgot to mention, everyone who saw me was like JACKIE I LOVE YOUR HAIR. and it made me happy lol.

today i woke up average time and it was exciting today because my dad started ripping my walls down to redo them. i almost forgot to mention my sister's room is completely redone now and my bed is in there until my room is finished. it's completely insane sleeping in a new room.

and so i kinda played wow all day, as well as talking to mike :D. im definitely totally excited because tomorrow we finally get to hang out. and it looks like i dont have to wait until 6 like my mom originally said and i think we are going to spend the day exactly as we both imagined.

finally i wrote a poem that goes nicely with the phrase thats been stuck in my head for the past two days.

sunday to hold hands
clear blue skies
and warm weather
preakness sidewalk
and laughing together
sunday to hold hands.

sunday afternoon
while daylight is still here
we'll take a simple walk
and hold each other near
sunday to hold hands.

however i feel its not the best thing ive ever written =/

anyway! i am a very happy girl these days.

it feels like the last raindrop of a weeklong storm...

Thu, 10 Aug 2006 06:35:21 GMT

today i sat around for most of the day but i went to ccx around 6 to hang out with mike and max. we played smash and then we all went outside to film this. it was amazing.

we played lots more smash and i got a whole lot better. and i beat mike lotsa times but he beat me too lol. and i made up with steve today and even gave him back his necklace. he was still teasing me but at least he was joking.

anyway, me and mike have been talking since i got home and we need to hang out again soon. i had a lot of fun today with him.

i think things are looking better =)

Wed, 09 Aug 2006 05:54:10 GMT

today i hung out with lauren and ursula and we ended up watching the producers again. i love that movie to pieces but im almost thinking ive seen it too many times now haha.

after, we went to ccx but i didnt really have that much fun there because people were there that i didnt like and it made me uncomfortable. but i got a chance to play guitar hero =) then later there was a huge fight in the parking lot between like juniors from my school. lol ive never seen anyone so immature. i cant wait to get that video on my computer, ursula filmed it rofl.

but yeah, i wasnt that happy today, i had another cigarette and im sitting online still feeling really sad. i dont know what it is, i have my friends and everything and we have a lot of fun. i just felt like people were being mean to me today and i dont think i do too much to people to deserve that. im just tired of people being nice when they feel like it and stepping all over me the next minute.

idk if i want to go to ccx tomorrow, my friend mike wants me to go really bad but idk if i want to if cecile isnt because idk if ill be okay there without her. i dont know why im in such a bad mood but i just feel like people hate me and i didnt do anything.

i even apologized to steve partially for what i said last night, but hes being a dick about it and i feel like hes turning everyone against me. i dont know how someone can be such a sweet person to you and then you feel like you should have never trusted them ever. i dont miss him, i just cant believe what he did to me and it just makes me really upset whenever i think about it now.

even though i have my friends, for some reason i just feel like, even though i tell my problems to them i just feel like im missing someone to do more than just that. im not really looking for a new boyfriend but i just wish i could trust more people. everyone just seems like they want to pick and choose when they want to be nice. its like they have the control of how well my day goes. looks like they decided bad day today.

i was okay before because mike was nice enough to talk to me, it made me feel less alone. but now im feeling a little upset again, i think i need to listen to move along again. its the only thing thats been keeping me from just breaking down.

Mon, 07 Aug 2006 02:50:32 GMT

today i hung out with danielle. we ended up going to ccx and everyone i know was there lol. cecile was working and steve ended up being there and i was like oh, okay. and we played smash like the whole day. im trying to get into wcc, they should let me soon..

totally broke up with steve like last night. i guess we were silly for even going out in the first place, we just had mixed messages and didnt want to hurt each other. honestly, we were both in it not for a relationship, and both of us seemed to think the other was. so we dated. well im totally ok with it, i think it was a good experience though because a lot of the things anthony made me feel about myself went away. i realized anthony is just a jerk and he did a lot of damage to my self image but ive definitely improved a lot.

im working to find a way to deal with how i feel about myself in a better way than just putting others down. i didnt realize i did it so much i guess but now its really time to just kick the habit.

anyway i had a good day. i definitely need to buy smash for gamecube and i definitely have someone i need to talk to right now...

Thu, 03 Aug 2006 07:38:46 GMT

today(yesterday) i went to work for my second day. it was cool cause i helped my first customer.
recently ive been getting like really bored like awful and it sucks because i think im starting to get totally bored of wow. and i havent even hit 60 yet. steve says i should take a week off but last time i did that i lost interest in playing already. oh well.. i guess this might be the last months worth of playing or something.

besides just losing interest in wow, it just sucks in general that i keep getting so bored. looks like im looking forward to school again this year.

ok so just before, steve came over like at around 2:30am and we hung out a little and i was scared my parents would find out taht he was here so late. so we were like in my basement and then my dad came downstairs and i ran like a fucking lunatic closed the door and turned off the lights and turned the computer on as quickly as i could and played a solitaire game. he asked me if steve's car was outside and i was like, burning up trying to lie but he had no idea i guess since he was half sleeping. anyway i came back downstairs and we hung out a little more but then i was starting to feel like i would throw up because i was so nervous about my parents and i made him go home. it took like 20 minutes to figure out how to get him out soundlessly after my dad already came downstairs.

im kinda wishing i could see my friends more recently, i feel like we only see each other once in awhile and now it sucks that lauren doesnt even like my boyfriend. i wish i could get a group to come with me to the water park down the shore. its so much fun there and its better if you go with a group. anyway, itd be nice to see my friends more often, even if we didnt go to the water park.
tonight in the middle of all my freaking out(silently lol) i said things to steve that i only usually let run around in my head. im actually not sure if he was even meant to hear them yet, so im kinda glad he didnt realize what i said because even as i said it i almost didnt believe it came out.

i dont know, i think i should go to sleep now. im glad that through all my silliness and stupidity steve still completely understands me and even when i feel like a brat he makes me feel like what i did was not bratty and that i had a good reason for it. i have back all the self confidence i somehow lost a few months ago and finally i feel like i know how to treat a boy right again. everything negative anthony ever changed in me seems like its just starting to reverse.
as i was saying, goodnight.

Tue, 01 Aug 2006 18:48:04 GMT

yesterday steve picked me up and i got to meet his mom and hang at his house. she seems really nice and his 3 dogs are adorable. we played with them a lot =). then we went out to dinner to outback and then went to ccx to watch clerks. i came home at 11 and we watched tv for like an hour and then he had to leave.
every day i hang out with steve jsut ends up being better than the last<3

this morning i got up early and went car shopping again. i still havent found any and the place i always go to has cars in really crappy condition. im not going there anymore. looks like im still being driven around for awhile, oh well.

its so hot today, im going to have a problem doing anything but sit around playing wow lol. i guess i could manage =)

love, Jackie

Mon, 31 Jul 2006 07:44:33 GMT

a livejournal? not since so long ago. however, times have changed in my life that pushed me to make a new journal to forget the old. make way for the new.

a few things to write down about the past few weeks:

1.broke up with anthony
2.broke a heart
3.loving every minute with Steve
4.happy.

today, i hung out with a real guy who actually knows how to treat girls. at night, we laid under the stars together and snuggled♥